Women of A New Way Feature: H’s Story
This post is one of a series of features of the Women of A New Way that I have been walking side by side with over the years. Over the next week or two I will be sharing the voices and stories of powerful and courageous women who have been deeply committed to getting to know and journeying home to themselves through circles, retreats, courses and one on one work with me. May this series be a celebration of these women’s dedication, devotion and transformation, and may it inspire hope for those who are seeking support and sisterhood on their journey.
Two years ago, I felt alone, completely isolated and full of anxiety and depression.
I had heard many times that meditation may help so I began looking into how to go about it and was looking for a mala to help me focus. I did some research and I found “The Space” and beautiful adornments. I felt deeply drawn to reach out but did nothing yet.
I later looked into yoga in the area as I also felt drawn to trying it as a practice to help myself and did a search and again saw “The Space” and the yoga service offered.
I still was too full of fear to leave my home.
Then one day a notice popped up in my Facebook about an upcoming women’s circle ceremony. I was so drawn to the description of what was going to take place and the feeling of connection … I almost signed up but again felt the fear overtake me and still did nothing.
Then a few months later another pop up in my Facebook came up about a new online Chakra Balancing Series being offered.
“Hmmmm..” I thought, “a guided meditation in my home … to balance, reconnect with myself… and I don’t have to overcome my fear of leaving my home and meeting new people after so much isolation… yes! I can do this.”
I took the step and signed up and my life changed.
This was the moment I gradually started reintroducing myself to me… very slowly, very gently, very lovingly guided by a beautiful light…. guiding me to gently look where my fears lived.
I was terrified of everything at that point. but this Chakra Balancing Series gave me the tools to see myself more clearly and start to peel back layer by layer of pain and fear. It led me to pull myself out of my home and my isolation enough to start going to some of the yoga classes…. which continued my journey to connect with myself and others. I had by then, enough courage (actually it was always there, I just forgot) to attend my first women’s circle and met so many amazing souls.
The gentle, welcoming, open environment allowed me to trust and feel safe.
This was absolutely crucial or I would have ran for my life as this was all so new to me. I listened and watched and used the tools I learned to breathe into my fear and continue … and I came back again and again. Many months later I shared my tiny voice at a circle, in that safe space being held by such amazing women.
My tiny voice so needed to be heard and let out in any form… and the safe space that was created and held, allowed for it.
Month after month I came back to be “in circle” and I slowly remembered pieces of myself. Piece by piece they slowly reconnected and my voice became stronger. I remembered a purpose and a love of nature and a passion for life returned as I spent more and more time connected to our mother earth.
I was healing from the inside out.
Last fall I took a huge step in deciding to return to college for a new career and the ability to become self sufficient after 30 years. I was drawn so much to begin choosing for myself and making myself a priority.
Next I made an important decision to do something very loving for myself… I decided to go to a Retreat to Remember. A whole weekend for me … something I hadn’t chosen for myself in more than 10 years. It was a challenge to make it happen and to make myself a priority but I now had the strength and tools to do something for me and hold that fragile ground. The weekend was as life altering as every other step back to me.
There was one moment toward the end of the weekend when we were all in circle and we were gazing into each other’s eyes… really seeing each other’s soul… seeing the light within each of us … as all the same. It was so moving and a moment I’ll never forget as…
I truly felt connected and truly seen – perhaps for the first time in my life.
It really was my return to myself — to remember the beautiful, strong, independent person I have always been. There were many tears along this journey, but I now welcome them as friends and arrows pointing to where I can find more pieces of me, using the tools I have learned to help me.
I am truly grateful!
H has been attending circles and has invested in herself in many other offerings in this work for about two years.
Comment below to stand in celebration with H and how far she has come.
If you resonate and relate with H’s story and are seeking support and sisterhood, please check out all the ways I and we can be there with and for you on your journey.