this is us

Aug 30, 2019

This. Is. Us.

This mini Mother’s Day session with the magical Jeannette Breward represented so much for me & for us.

This is the first professional photo that I have of us that wasn’t planned by grandparents.

My previous partner HATED taking photos. He got extremely angry when a camera was around. My heart pounds & my inner being recoils when I remember the look of disgust & disdain on his face that I would even consider that it was ok to want to take pictures.

Wyatt ended up reacting the same way – angry and resistant.
Damn, so did my dog. He would run away when a camera came out.

It hurt. A lot.

So I didn’t ever invest in taking nice ones, because it wasn’t worth the fight and everyone being miserable to pretend to be happy.

But when Jeannette posted info for these mini sessions, I turned to Wyatt and asked casually & without expectation:

“Hey, would you be open to having mummie’s day pictures taken with me?”
“No”. He replied.
“What if we went to the beach and wore cloaks and bring our wands and run around and have fun?” I suggested with a big goofy grin.
“YEAH!” He exclaimed.

So two weeks later we met Jeannette at our local beach with our cloaks on and played on the log & cuddled under my cloak & loved on each other for a solid 10 minutes (Wyatt was done after about 7).

When Jeannette sent me the proofs, I bawled. Not just because everything about them is absolutely beautiful – the beach, the sky, the colours, us – but because the photos captured what I have been basking in for the last couple of months – our joy and deep connection.

After over a year and a half of hell, we have finally made it to the other side with this joy and connection and PLAY that I never knew was possible. So much so that I won’t do it a disservice by attempting to put it into words.

But here is it.
Here we are.

The hell outside hasn’t completely gone away, but look at the light in these two.

It has grown so strong, so bright, that nothing, nobody will be able to dim it again.

I am alive again.
Or maybe for the first time ever.

This is what walking through the Elemental Initiations into QueenSovereignty post narcissistic abuse looks like. 👑
And this is my why.