Well. What a ride this has been. Both this story, and the writing of this story. I sat down to write a post to announce the launch of my new website, and over ten hours later, it ended up turning into a full on story that, through the process of expressing it through writing, is inviting me deeper into healing.
I hesitated to share this at first (still do), because it turned out to be medicine for me, but includes some vulnerable, tender details that I hadn’t planned on sharing quite yet. I ended up deciding to share for a few reasons:
- To honour the part of me that held on, believed in herself enough to make it through and did – I feel I owe it to her and that she deserves to be seen and heard.
- So my pain can be transmuted into medicine for others.
- As a record keeper. When I write in my journal, I rarely go back and read it, but I often go back through my blog and social media posts to reflect on, and continue to learn from.
- Though the details of my story are unique to me, there is always a thread within a story that one can find themselves within. I am eternally grateful to those who have shared pieces of themselves and their stories that have helped me through my healing. May this be an invitation for you to find and reclaim aspects of yourself that you may not have known you lost or forgot. We are all in this together.
My Journey Home Through the Vehicle of Business
For those who know me or have followed me for a while may have noticed that my business journey has included changing the name, logo, branding, website, all the things… multiple times. The question of “who am I” as a human, a business, a creator, a channel and anchor for light brings rapid and constant healing, evolution and remembrance for me.
In the beginning (about 9 years ago), I began as “Pure Life Yoga & Designs” and I created jewellery and taught yoga classes as my side business while working in the dental field and officiating ringette. I remember lying in bed asking the question “who am I” and having a feeling, one that I could only describe in my then-limited vocabulary as pure life. It was more of a feeling and a visual than I could really capture at the time in words. But it worked for me then, with the logo of a bird (??? – I think I found it free somewhere and it matched my colour palette of green and purple and I believe it was an attempt to represent the freedom that I associated with pure life, but looking back it seems pretty random!)
At this time I struggled with weaving the two halves of my business together – jewellery and yoga. Others advised me to separate them, to have two businesses, so customers and students wouldn’t get confused by what I am offering. But it didn’t feel right to separate them. Because they were both ME, expressions of ME.
How could I separate myself?
Finding Clarity and Intention
Eventually I got my hands on some gemstones and had a yogi friend request a custom mala.. Not long after, I was asked to teach a mala making workshop. These three events shifted the course of my business and brought in clarity and intention. Because of my nature of either being all the way IN or OUT, this invitation sent me down the research rabbit hole of quantum physics, sound, sacred geometry and more. My mind was blown open, I saw life differently. I began teaching successful, in depth Mala Making and Mantra Workshops that took participants on a journey through all I had learned and practiced, and they loved it – their minds were blown too as they learned AND experienced the intelligent quantum power of gemstones and mantra.
As an avid and life-long student, I continued my studies and practices, which eventually lead me into more cosmic realms of remembering lifetimes within me through channelings, deep conversations with soul family, and the teachings that I had been following were beginning to anchor in. Around this time, “Pure Life” was resonating with me less, as it felt too airy and ungrounded, it lacked substance. A soul sister at the time had been inspired to create malas as well and, already knowing we wanted to facilitate workshops and retreats together globally, we decided to collaborate with intentional jewellery as well.
After days of soulstorming and wordplay, Manifesting Alchemy was born.
The birth of Manifesting Alchemy as a collaboration was long, drawn out, and had many arrows pointing to the lack of alignment it carried, and never really came to fruition. Amongst others, there was one particularly unfortunate (to put it kindly) experience of paying someone, who was recommended by a friend, $1500 for a logo and website, to end up with a really shotty logo and… zero website. It was a hard one to get past. My partner and I were unable to connect and get on the same page. Neither of us was quite there.
Throughout this process, I was introduced to the world of trauma healing, divine feminine mystery teachings, and embodiment. With this deep level of healing that felt like the missing piece, I started to gain more clarity on who I was and what direction I was heading. Finally, after making all the excuses in the book, after waiting and waiting and waiting, after taking over-responsibility for what was not mine, I acknowledged that the collaboration was not working. I stayed with Manifesting Alchemy for a while, the name was fine, though the logo did not fit and I had to spend months creating my own website that was ok, but I didn’t love and that didn’t really do anything for me.
But after some time, all of it really just didn’t fit. It wasn’t me. Almost all of it – including my mala making workshops, which were my main source of income at the time. It no longer lit me up and what I was teaching was no longer at the forefront of what was true and real and powerful for me anymore.
And here I was again, back to the question “who I am?”
The Answer Arrives Through a Moment of Surrender
As I contemplated and prayed on this for a long time, I continued to heal, to learn, to grow and to get to know myself more intimately.
One night I was sitting on my lawn, looking up at the stars, going through all of the words that were meaningful to me and trying out the different iterations of combining them. It wasn’t working. Nothing fit.
“WHO AM I?” I yelled up and pleaded to the cosmos.
In this moment of surrender, it dropped in. Clear, simple, obvious.
I am Miranda Goody.
That was it! I had been trying to find words, the phrase, the tagline to describe who I was and what I was here to do, and it was right there all along.
Over the course of a couple of months, I worked with a brand and marketing company to create my new logo, ordered business cards, and purchased the domain and email for www.mirandagoody.com.
About a month after I received my cards and put myself out there as Miranda Goody, I had gained the strength, courage and steadiness to end my toxic relationship of almost 10 years. Goody was my married name, and I hadn’t even changed it legally. My legal birth name is Miranda Klumper, but I had grown out of Klumper a long time ago. So here I was hovering once again with no name that fit.
Shit. I thought I had finally figured it out.
And now I had 1500 business cards that said Miranda Goody on them. What now?
I called up my soul sister, feeling frustrated, stuck and defeated, and wailing “WHO AM I?!” Within the exploration of our conversation, she suddenly said slowly:
The words jolted electrical currents through my entire body, sending wave after wave of chills of knowing, of remembrance, of… YES. Tears poured down my face and I felt absolutely complete. In that moment, I felt whole, occupying my space fully. After this long search for who I am, which began long before this story, I had arrived home.
(Side note: Sophia wasn’t random and out of nowhere, but that will get a whole story to itself.)
Immediately I called my logo designer to change the name on my cards and I switched my domain to www.mirandasophia.com.
This new knowing, or perhaps recollection of an old memory, anchored me deeper into myself.
I had a name. It was a part of me that had always felt like it was missing; an unclaimed, ancient identity within me that was aching to be known. With this shift, I stood and showed up with a new confidence. My teachings matured and refined, my offerings changed and expanded, my jewellery evolved, I coauthored my first book, and words began pouring out of me from a place that was bigger than me.
My ex and I separated, but he continued to live in the house that I was going to stay in while we went through the legal and financial processes. And as was already happening before the separation, one part of me continued to gain clarity, momentum, power and grace, and another part of me continued to break down, shrivel, internalize and waste away.
He moved out a long seven months later, and while I expected the baggage of the relationship to lift and my healing, growth and expansion to soar to new heights, the opposite happened.
The part of me that had gone into a freeze survival state to protect myself from the years of mental, emotional and physical abuse from the relationship was able to dethaw and let down. This gave way for the built up emergency response, the frozen and suppressed emotions, the internalized rage, fear, shame, and confusion to make themselves known.
All of the deep rooted darkness within me rose to the surface.
It was mine to face and to heal.
I knew on a soul level I had wholeheartedly agreed to this before stepping into this life, that this was always the plan. To fall and to feel more pain than I could have ever imagined, to come up against the darkest demons that lived within me, to let all parts of me that were not me or mine be dismantled, crumble, and die. And to find the smallest whisper within me that knew and believed fully that I was worth this fight, that I was deserving of someone who would stay and stand for me, to protect and feed the remaining light within, and to love me back to life. That person was me.
I would imagine myself telling this story in the future, saying, “I was so close to giving up, but I didn’t. I almost didn’t make it, but I did.” And that would keep me going. It didn’t make it easier, or less excruciating, or help it make any more sense (I mean I could logically and intellectually explain the healing process from a body, mind and soul level, but it still was/is insane).
In the midst of this, I met Alicia, of Alicia Jones Creative, and instantly knew that I needed to work with her. I was ready for a new logo and website that fit who I was now and who I was becoming, something that worked for me as helped me grow, and working with her was a clear yes. We got started and she began sending me logos, mockups and idea boards. She had gone through my entire current website and read every. single. word. All my blog posts… everything (there was A LOT of writing on there.) She took SO much time to get to know me, my work, my essence. I was speechless when I saw what she had put together.
I finally found someone that was able to translate what I still had a hard time putting into words, into the beginnings of a project that was going to be beyond stunning and also beautifully functional.
We began working together in August 2018. The process was long and slow, as I was only able to get information to Alicia in the times when I could function, which was very limited.
I was using all of the tools that I had collected over the years, applying the work I had created, and working with a few powerful coaches, therapists and healers, but the process couldn’t be rushed. There was no way out but through. I had to feel it all to heal it all.
By the end of the year, I was dragging myself to what felt like the finish line. Internally I knew I was almost there, though nothing on the outside had necessarily changed.
Somehow stepping into 2019 created space to be able to turn and look back at the Miranda who journeyed to the depths of hell in 2018, who fully broke and lost all sense of who she was and what was real, and feel a sense of pride, honour and devotion to her. She made it to 2019… and somehow here I am.
There is a newly laid steadiness within me that feels unwaveringly committed to her.
Something inside has shifted.
I feel more steady and clear.
I have more energy and inspiration.
I feel my connection to Spirit more available.
Everything outside of me is still the same amount of challenging, confusing and groundless, so when I used the past tense “was” in the latter part of this story, it can just as honestly be replaced with “is”. But I feel all of the work is catching up. The momentum has finally shifted. It’s subtle and sometimes barely perceivable, but it’s there.
And just at the right time as this shift happened, my genius web designer Alicia confirmed that the website was ready to launch.
A new place to land. A home. One that fits. One that very clearly and powerfully conveys the emotional, energetic and felt sense experience of who I am as a teacher, coach, mentor, guide, writer, creatrix, and what my work is about. This website and branding is also bigger than me, with room to grow into. It is a portal for us to journey home together through a safe space, community, tools and teachings, connection and empowerment.
It comes coded not just with beauty and functionality, but intentional energetic architecture that sparks a deep, ancient, sacred place within the visitor to turn back on and rise up. As you, the reader, receive the energy and transmission of these words, maybe you notice something moving, stirring within you, or you feel the nudge or hear the whisper (or maybe it is screaming or pounding by now).
Maybe you arrived here, to this energetic portal, and read this far because you are ready for slow, safe, sustainable healing, and to deepen into an intimate relationship of fierce self-love that will translate into fiercely loving, compassionate, and clear relationships with those around you, humanity, the Earth, and Spirit.
And maybe, just maybe, you are ready to turn towards your inner being and look them in the eyes and promise (maybe shyly at first):
“I’m ready to come home.”
This is my moment to moment practice.
Falling, failing, feeling, forgetting, but always turning back towards my inner being and moving closer to her, moving closer to love and inviting more light in. This is what it means to come home, to resolve the pain, trauma, and false beliefs, so we can land in and live in our bodies, in presence, in the sensual nature of every moment, in love.
Welcome home beloved.
Let’s do this together. Let’s learn this art of being human business together. Let’s find and reclaim our wholeness together so that we may each step into our power and bring forth our unique gifts, each piece of the puzzle, into the world.
Now is the time. It’s the only time that exists.
If this moved and stirred something within you, take some time to browse the web portal of love and healing for ways we can gather together (in person or online), or if you are someone who prefers to be alone in your explorations, head over to the shop where you can download yoga nidras or shop sacred adornments for your mantra, prayer, and intention setting practices.